we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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