I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
