drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
