She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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