thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
