I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
