This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
