I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
