Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
