It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
