its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
