I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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