proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
