Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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