It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
