dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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