okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
