recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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