My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
