i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
