So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He? As in you personified your dick?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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