I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
