More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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