i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
how does that bad decision feel?
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