The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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