I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
