does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
