This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
