now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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