my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
