I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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