his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
