Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize