Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize