I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
