I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
