they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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