So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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