You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
