If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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