he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
