he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
