i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
