i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She announced her abortion via fbk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
