To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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