There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize