Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
