So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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