Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
