just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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