Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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