I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
