just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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