i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
