my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
