The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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