you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
