I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
