mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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