Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
