Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
