Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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