i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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