I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
