Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
