I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize